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Author Topic: PLEASE HELP, I am very confused  (Read 1602 times)

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Offline Sami S

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PLEASE HELP, I am very confused
« on: March 30, 2014, 12:55:24 PM »
Hello, I am really in need of some helpful legal advice. I am an NRI, with Canadian Citizenship, divorced for over 5 years and single mother of 2 children.  Recently, on a visit to India, I fell in love with a young man, and agreed to marry him. Although we discussed the options, either court marriage, or temple (he is Hindu and I am Christian).  The issue is that just prior to us meeting, He had agreed to marry a girl his family had approved of.  The engagement was scheduled for the following month, and he is the oldest son, and has recently taken over running the family business.  We both knew that it would be difficult, as his family would not take it well, and the girl would be very upset.  we both cared a great deal about each other, and he spent some time with my children who also became close to him. Although, we both were very attracted to each other, we did resist temptation initially, and it was only after we had both clearly said we were willing to marry each other.  He asked me several times, and I did agree.  We talked about how we were going to do it, and how to tell his family and mine.  We are from different caste, and although I am from Canada, my family (on both my mother & father's sides) is well known and respected. Due to circumstances, I had to delay my return to Canada for a few days, and it was during those days, that we engaged in intercourse, on several occasions.  Due  change in my travel plans we were unable to discuss details of next steps. Although, we discussed having a civil ceremony and/or he mentioned a temple near Delhi where we could be married,  we did not go and have the actual marriage ceremony. we did however both commit to each other, verbally and physically. We engaged in intercourse and did spend 2 nights together in a hotel. He did share that he was not sure how to tell his family as he was to be engaged, and what would make it more difficult was that I was older than him and already had children. He did make several attempts to try and get the other girl to agree to not continue with engagement, but she began begging him.  He also said that the tried to seek advice from several close friends and family but did not get any support. She continued to beg him to  please just still go through with the engagement and wedding to her. although we were very attracted to each other, we did kiss, hold hands, cuddle and I did stop thing many times before it became too intimate.  I know that he was getting very frustrated at the mixed signals I was giving, but I wanted to be certain about his intention. It was only after we both had clarified that it was like our wedding night, and we both understood that we could not just undo the act. After the first time, we talked, and acted like a married couple for the next few days.  he would have breakfast with me and the children, go to work/home and return in the evening. As I was not on any form of birthcontrol, I asked him to get the morning after pill, after our first night together, as the risk of pregnancy was high. He told me that he had never been with a girl before and I also told him, that I also had not been with another man in several years, and had very tradition views on sex. Later that evening, after we had dinner and kids were in bed, I spoke to him about how the whole birth control issue was making me feel.  I explained that if we truly already accepted each other as husband and wife, then then I should not have had to ask,and he should not have brought, or I taken the morning after pill. He apologized, and we both agreed that we would not use any other form of birth control, and just be happy if I did get pregnant.  I had made him aware that chances were quite high that I would based on where I was in my cycle.  Since I returned to Canada we have had limited contact, and it seems as if he has tried to distance himself from me.  When I have asked him point blank if this was just an affair and if he just wants to forget about me, he gets upset and says that I have to be patient and try and understand.  He keeps saying that he will have to try something or think of something.  I can tell he is very stressed about this whole situation. 
I had basically decided that it would be bet to just back off and not communicate, and just try an move on.  the problem is that after returning to Canada I discovered that i was pregnant. I have tried to tell him, but did not want to put it in a message, as I am still conscious of the possible ways that it could be used against me.  As much as I care about him, I do not want to trap him or force him to be with me.  I think that te best things I can do is to let him go on with his life and hope that he will be happy and eventually forget about me.
I recently was reviewing requirements for OCI/PIO applications as I am planning to return to India for the schooling of my child, and came across the new marital law with regards to premarital sex and marriage. I am concerned that do I need to register the marriage and then get a divorce? Can I just not register the marriage, I was just planning to avoid further contact,and ask my doctor to terminate the pregnancy, but now I am so confused. I thought that as he is young and the eldest son, it would be easier for me to just walk away, and let him be happy. Let him get engaged to the girl his family has found for him, and in time he would forget about us. I could see how he was being torn apart by the choice, I could not stand to see the pain and anguish this situation was causing him. Now my concern is that I do not want to ruin his life or cause him any trouble.  Also, I am unsure of his rights under indian law, and if I have any obligation to inform him, given that I am not planning to have the child. I am prepared to accept the consequences of my actions, I am not familiar with the laws and requirements of India, and as such do not want to unknowingly cause him or his family or the young woman he is to marry any problems. I want to ensure that this matter does not cause either of us problems in the future.  I also want to ensure, that he cannot at a later date make a claim against me, in order to gain status in Canada or ?.  I am of a hgher caste than him as well, and I am also not sure if the girl, her family or even his family  might try to use this against me.  I want to know how to make sure that this situation cannot cause me any further problems.  I really do not want him to have to explain all this to his family.  I do not want my family to have to deal with the stigma and embarrassment either. 

Offline advkartik

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Re: PLEASE HELP, I am very confused
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2014, 05:42:43 PM »
There is no way any harm can come to you. Regarding termination of pregnancy u should know taking life is a big sin. Legally u can terminate within 3 months in India

Offline Sami S

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Re: PLEASE HELP, I am very confused
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2014, 08:39:04 PM »
There is no way any harm can come to you. Regarding termination of pregnancy u should know taking life is a big sin. Legally u can terminate within 3 months in India

I know, and it is against my faith as well, but I cannot raise another child alone, and if I carry to term, then it will complicate things even more, as he will not be able to marry the other girl.  I do not want t force him to be with me.  It is like the old saying "If you love something set it free" 

Offline advmisthi

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Re: PLEASE HELP, I am very confused
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2014, 05:40:36 PM »
He is the father of the child, whether u marry or not he has to financially maintain his baby. You are seeing taking a life is better, than saving a cheater wow
Adv.Misthi Mukherjee
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