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Author Topic: Husband verbally abusing me and my family.  (Read 1287 times)

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Offline anonymous woman

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Husband verbally abusing me and my family.
« on: January 27, 2015, 05:23:34 AM »
Hi,

I got married in Nov 2012. My husband is a relative of our family. After marriage he started abusing me and my family especially my father. He uses all obscenities towards me and my father. He says he only married me because his mother forced him to. Most of the time he keeps saying he doesn't want to work he want to run away far from these tensions. he feels marriage is a burden. he is very short temper and hyper tension person. He always tries to suppress me and dominate me. he insults me before family members. I thinks if he is close to me then his mother and brother will feel bad. He says i got misfortune to him. After our marriage he had a spinal problem and went through a surgery. he also met with an accident. he even didn't tell me about his accident which has happened couple of weeks before our marriage. I got to know about his accident only the next day of our marriage. I'm very reserved person. I don't get easily mingled with people. He knew that before marriage. Now he wants me to change like some one else. He points me at every thing i do, from the way i dress up, the way i put a bindhi, the food i eat, the way i talk, the way i cook, even the way i look. He told me once that he didn't even see my face before engagement. But he and his mother came to our house for a proposal. He doesn't like my name because he feels his team member name is same as mine and she is not good lady. He compares me with her and passes comments that i'm selfish and i'll separate him from his family and all nonsense. I was working in bangalore before marriage and asked him some 6months time to shift to hyderabad for searching a new job. He agreed the same before marriage. But suddenly after our marriage he suddenly one day told me to shift immediately to hyderabad otherwise he will do his own arrangements. I got scared and resigned and with in the notice period i got through infosys. I shifted to hyderabad and joined new company. company is quite far from where we stay and it almost took me 2hrs to commute. I asked him to shift to near by location which is convenient to both of us. But he said he will miss his friends here and his badminton team. he said he wont be happy if we shift to new place. so we continued to stay there only and i used to travel 35km to and 35km fro. I used to spent almost 3.30 hrs only on traveling and get very tired. Slowly day by day he asked me to leave that job and search for a new one, because i was not having any time. I once again asked him to shift to near by location but he denied. I resigned my job in 2months. In between he used to emotionally blackmail that he will get heart-attack and will die soon because of the tension at office and business, he doesn't  want to take all this burden and want to go way from all this and live some where. I told him if he doesn't want to work then leave job and do some business. He took it so negatively that he responded as if i want to suppress him and be on the upper hand. I never ever felt like that. I only want him to do some thing he really likes. mean while he got a spinal issue. His L4/L5 cords got misplace while playing volley ball. He was not able to stand or sit or sleep for even 10mins. he lost all hope of recovery. we consulted many doctors and took lot of treatments,but nothing helped. He met a doctor and doctor told him if it gets severe he would get a surgery and be bed ridden for 6months. He was in so much depression that he will loose job and financially be weak. He sometimes does sleep in a different room. I used to wonder why and beg him. He never told me the reason. One day he said his brother who is staying with us will feel bad if he sleeps with me, so he will sleep separately. I don't understand reasons he used to tell me. He had issues with every thing i do. If i cook more he says i'm wasting. if i cook less and nothing left he says i'm not giving enough food for his brother. he used to check what i have cooked in the afternoon for his brother. I some how feel he is doubting me. with all these problems going on day to day, i got conceived. His mom went through liposuction and stayed with us. His mother is very superstitious. She felt the house which we are staying is not good and is the cause for all the quarrels happening between us. She saw some athmas(ghosts) moving around in the house and that is why my husband is going through all this. After this my husband started dreaming some bad things it seems, like some one trying to kill him. he felt very scary about this and wanted to shift a house immediately. He shifted to a new house and he didnt even showed me the house. My mother came during this period as i was not well and stayed here for couple of weeks. He insulted my mom. and used to fight very frequently with me. I went into depression i couldn't stay with him and doctor advised me to be happy and be at peace as i was pregnant. I asked him and left to my mom's place for deliver. He never even called me to check how i was and about my health. When i call him he wont respond properly. One day he even told me on call that i do my business and he do his own. I gave birth to a baby girl and he and his mother both came to see at the hospital. He didnt even ask me how i was feeling just saw the baby and left the other day. For almost 5months he never called and checked how our baby was doing. once i was able to manage things with the baby i decided to leave to hyderabad. I called him and informed him that i'm coming. I came here with my baby and father. To my surprise i saw his brother got married and they all staying together. There was a little parents meet up about me and my hubby. Both families discussed and they found my hubby using obscenities against me and my family. he apologized my dad in-front of every body. I stayed with their family together. Things were little ok, though he sometimes used to fight with me. some how i used to get adjusted. I wanted to start my carrier again as it was already a long break. I asked my hubby he accepted as i joined a institution for couple of hours a day. It was decided that my in-laws would be staying with us for ever so i thought i can start my work and started searching. In between i got to know that they changed my name to something because some one said that i horoscope is not good enough with my husband's. They didn't even inform me about this they started using the changed name in all the puja's. One day i couldn't tolerate and asked my husband and in-laws about this. From that day they started treating me in a different way. Mean while i got selected in a company. My in-laws moved to their native taking my daughter. Sometimes i even feel if they wantedly doing this because they want to separate me from my daughter and take some revenge. Many time i noticed my hubby taking my daughter from me while my bay is sleeping with me and keep her beside her mother. He even asked me to be away from my daughter so that she will get used to his mother. I used to feel bad when he says so. I bared all this only to keep up my marriage. Now from the day i started working he used to torture me in a different way. Since i had a long break it was little difficult for me at the work to cope up. I used to stay at office for around 10hrs, not jus me every body here at my office stays. And not only that i hav to travel for almost 50 min since there is no direct transport and i hav to switch 2 autos. I used to cook breakfast, and pack lunch for both of us. My brother-in-law and his wife also stays with us. I used to cook for them also in the morning. Suddenly my husband started staying in a different room. I asked him once, begged him. He shouted at me saying he is no more interested in me. Now all of a sudden he started abusing me verbally and asking me to leave the house. He even said he is going to file a divorce. I don't even understand my faults. I asked him for marriage counseling, he is not ready for anything he simply wants me to leave the house. My sisters wedding is happening next week and now he is creating all the trouble.

Please suggest me an advice. What i'm supposed to do now.

Offline advmisthi

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Re: Husband verbally abusing me and my family.
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2015, 09:23:56 AM »
Patience is virtue, wait and avoid confrontrations let ssome time pass. Thing might work to your advantage.
Adv.Misthi Mukherjee
I am here to help, Shoot your legal problem to me, I promise I will help

Offline saurabhchopra

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Re: Husband verbally abusing me and my family.
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2015, 11:04:29 AM »
Consult a psychologist, your problem is that you are too docile and your husband is too dominating. You should learn to express your views  politely but very firmly. The more you tolerate injustice the more it will increase, if he does not learn, move on and find someone who values you for who you are. But first give this relationship everything you have got to make it work, not by submitting yourself, but by being expressive. Legal solutions are not really solutions but mere formalities to help out your social dilemma especially in matrimonial matters.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2015, 11:07:37 AM by saurabhchopra »
Saurabh Chopra

Offline anonymous woman

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Re: Husband verbally abusing me and my family.
« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2015, 09:19:56 PM »
 i got to know through some source that he is consulting some advocate for filing divorce against me. But i'm not ready for divorce. I still want to keep our relation. He is trying to stop me from working. I want to work, i even told him the same before marriage. He said ok at that time. I even informed him before joining my new company. All of a sudden he is asking me to leave my job for no reason, I ed said i wont leave the job and he started saying if i dont he will give divorce. What are the chances that he will get divorce.

Please advice me.

 

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