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Author Topic: URGENT - ISSUES IN MARRIAGE OVER WIFE SALARY  (Read 2078 times)

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Offline gopalg

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URGENT - ISSUES IN MARRIAGE OVER WIFE SALARY
« on: April 26, 2015, 09:30:09 AM »

Hi,
I had an arranged marriage in 2011 with a boy of our community in a family of in-laws and only son. After a month of the marriage my father-in-law (FIL) asked details about my salary and indicated me to handover all my salary to him with me only remaining with 5K per month. I declined straightaway, but after that my so innocent husband and good FIL started to fight with me over such stupidest issues one cannot think of. To make my life easier, I started to deposit 10K every month in my husband account. But even after that they had been eyeing my salary and the fight/ tension continued in the house. My husband and me never had a good bonding/understanding due to this. He always treated my in low manner in front of public. To note here is that since our marriage till today my husband has not given me any money or shown any responsibility as a husband. All our bedroom talks, whatever I discuss/say/act in house is being discussed to the neighbors by my in-laws or husband in a very derogatory manner. it was utterly difficult for me to stay with them. But I continued. When I was 7.5 months pregnant exactly on April 25th 2014, I left my husband house, as there was lots of tension in the house, they stopped caring/ food or any other required responsibility. To avoid any further stress/harm to myself or my Unborn baby, I left my husband house and came to my maternal home in the same city. It has been a year, but my husband never came to ask for me/my baby boy. he declines us to pay any money - reasoning that I am earning and I have no right on his pay. I requested him to hire a maid to take care of the baby for which he say I need to share the expenses- even he asks me to share all the expenses 50% then only I can enter his home. As of today, I have no savings/house /jewelry. My jewelry everything is in the possession of my FIL. I feel very insecure and lost trust in my husband. I wish to save my earnings for me and my baby for our better future. I do not wish for divorce. please help urgently

Offline saravanan.s

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Re: URGENT - ISSUES IN MARRIAGE OVER WIFE SALARY
« Reply #1 on: April 27, 2015, 05:25:38 AM »
if you are not willing for divorce then file a dv case against your husband and inlaws and claim right to residence - wherein you can join your husband in the matrimonial home, protection order - wherein you can restrict someone from talking to you or even coming near the room, monetary relief - maintenance for child and you (if  you are not earning) and also compensation order - for the mental torture you sustained. approach the police station or protection officer of your area and file a complaint with them

Offline gopalg

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Re: URGENT - ISSUES IN MARRIAGE OVER WIFE SALARY
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2015, 04:50:47 AM »
Hi saravanan.s,

Thank you for your response. this is helpful. I have following few queries per your reply.
1. I donot have any proof of mental torture that I have gone through all this time. how can I claim for compensation.
2. Me and my husband work in opposite direction each ~ 50kms away from the husband home, I requested my husband to rent/purchase home midway, but he demands 50% sharing in rent etc expenses - (
    - my query here is, I donot have much bank balance or savings, neither do I possess a home. on the contrary my in-laws have number of home and v good money (my husband, being only son will inherit all) - they can easly buy a home or rent in good location - is it necessary that I have to pitch -in (consedring the current scenario of mistrust at both sides - I may not be left with much to save for rainy day)
     -  - my husband is not willing to leave the current home  citing money reasons (he is earning pretty good)
     -  - same for sharing expenses for maid etc.
    - - As stated earlier, since our marriage Iam taking care of my expenses and also deposited amount in my husband account (for which I donot know what he did with them), also from past one year of my residing at maternal home I am taking care financially/morally and other responsibilty for myself and my baby - whenever I aks him for taking other responsibility he declined, also for baby he says let's open a joint account - whatever I deposit you also deposit the same amount
I want to ask - AFTER MARRIAGE, MY HUSBAND IS MY GUARDIAN IS IT SO EASY FOR HIM TO DO AWAY WITH HIS RESPONSINILITY - ASKING FOR SHARES IN EVERYTHING, NO MORAL SUPPORT, NO RESPECT - and NO SECURITY. WHAT IF I AM EARNING - STILL I AM HIS RESPONSIBILITY?
2. regarding protection order - What Can be helpful is to refrain them to talk / falsely discuss or blame me to relatives/ friends/ neighbours that too in a derogatory manner. which has made me impossible to return at their home or talk to anyone
3. Can I refrain them to talk in derogatory manner / shouting/ abusive language in the house - as this will have v bad impact for the infant and also for me (I have started to have panic attacks now)
The case is going with medtation centre - but he said i am ready to go to jail, but not with my conditions ( which are my basic rights). he also used abusive language for me and my sister in front of the counsellor ans started discussion in a shouting and dominating language.

   
 

Offline gopalg

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Re: URGENT - ISSUES IN MARRIAGE OVER WIFE SALARY
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2015, 09:22:46 PM »

Hi,
I had an arranged marriage in 2011 with a boy of our community in a family of in-laws and only son. After a month of the marriage my father-in-law (FIL) asked details about my salary and indicated me to handover all my salary to him with me only remaining with 5K per month. I declined straightaway, but after that my so innocent husband and good FIL started to fight with me over such stupidest issues one cannot think of. To make my life easier, I started to deposit 10K every month in my husband account. But even after that they had been eyeing my salary and the fight/ tension continued in the house. My husband and me never had a good bonding/understanding due to this. He always treated my in low manner in front of public. To note here is that since our marriage till today my husband has not given me any money or shown any responsibility as a husband. All our bedroom talks, whatever I discuss/say/act in house is being discussed to the neighbors by my in-laws or husband in a very derogatory manner. it was utterly difficult for me to stay with them. But I continued. When I was 7.5 months pregnant exactly on April 25th 2014, I left my husband house, as there was lots of tension in the house, they stopped caring/ food or any other required responsibility. To avoid any further stress/harm to myself or my Unborn baby, I left my husband house and came to my maternal home in the same city. It has been a year, but my husband never came to ask for me/my baby boy. he declines us to pay any money - reasoning that I am earning and I have no right on his pay. I requested him to hire a maid to take care of the baby for which he say I need to share the expenses- even he asks me to share all the expenses 50% then only I can enter his home. As of today, I have no savings/house /jewelry. My jewelry everything is in the possession of my FIL. I feel very insecure and lost trust in my husband. I wish to save my earnings for me and my baby for our better future. I do not wish for divorce. please help urgently

Offline gopalg

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Re: URGENT - ISSUES IN MARRIAGE OVER WIFE SALARY
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2015, 03:04:14 AM »
Hi Can someone, guide me through reply # 2 of mine.
I need to meet soon at the meditaion center.
Thanks,

Offline saravanan.s

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Re: URGENT - ISSUES IN MARRIAGE OVER WIFE SALARY
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2015, 11:56:18 PM »
If you ask for right to residence under dv act your husband has to bear the rent expenses and he has to accomadate you in a house as per your wish.you can also claim maintenance under sec 21 dv act.u can contact the protection officer of yur area and she will guide and explain to u

Offline gopalg

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Re: URGENT - ISSUES IN MARRIAGE OVER WIFE SALARY
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2015, 05:00:05 AM »
Hi,
Thank you for your expert guidance.
I believe this is going to be very helpful durimg the discussion.
Regards,

Offline gopalg

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Re: URGENT - ISSUES IN MARRIAGE OVER WIFE SALARY
« Reply #7 on: May 28, 2015, 06:21:46 AM »
HI,

Based on your advice, I had 6 counselling sesison wiith area CAW. following things has emerged from multiple discussion.

1. My husband is not willing to leave separately, from his parents.
 a. When I said they can visit us, or he can visit us whenever he wants, he declined
2. On being asked for maintenance for me and my son - he straightaway declined stating that I am earning and in not entitled for his money.
3. he said he does not love his son, and will adopt a baby. even being asked by to counsellor to hold his son, he declined
4. When I asked for per month money - he said he will hire a girl for that much money who can do household chores and satisfy him.
5. When the counsellor told him that I can file a case  - he said donot presurrize me I can go for suicide, also he said do whatever I can do - he is prepared to go in jail and had consulated many lawyers.
6. They blame my parents for everything, states that they keep my money, and other such stuff, which is very torturous for my mother who is taking care of me and my baby. she helped in my delievery, did all the spends , and now take care of my son, when I go to  office.

7. They said I should be apologetic, say sorry to them, and can come and stay with them, like before, also I will not have any rights on the baby If I stay with them.
8. Alos, when I said I am willing to leave my high salaried job, e declined to support me later, and said he himself is palnning to leave his job.
9. He has talked in a derogatory loud manner in front of the counsellor, also abused my sister in front of everyone.

9. Counsellor indicated that my husband has some psychological issue- as he is very aggressive, some times cries etc. also suggested for a psychological test for both of us. HE DECLINED.

Please suggest WHat should I do now. Filing a case will be cumbersome , as I am earning and in private job it is difficult to take leaves frequently. I donot see any future of mine with this marriage. but still wants to try for my son, as he has every right to be with his both parents.

Thanks,




 
« Last Edit: May 28, 2015, 06:27:41 AM by styagi »

 

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