I am really frustrated and desperate and almost on the verge of breaking down, but I am also stuck in my situation. Now need some idea about which direction I should proceed from here.
I am 31 year old male. I have been married for 3 years now. I had not opened up the following information about me to many as it is really embarrassing and also I don't know how I will be taken. Now i really need some advise.
I married my wife (without the consent of my parents and her's) in 2013. we both worked and are still working in the same company. It happened so fast. I knew her for only 8-10 months before that. I was so madly in love with her that I agreed to ALL her terms at the beginning (that includes getting married in haste without anyone's consent). She is same age as mine, but she had a 13 year old child when we got married. yes.. from a past broken relationship (not marriage) of hers. I told her that I dint have a problem with that and I still don't have a problem with that. That was the kind of commitment i had given into this relationship.
She is very commanding, and dominating. she made me move out of my house, away from my parents. made me not help them in any manner. No financial aid nothing. Made me not socialize with my friends anymore, and several other rules. She has put so many rules for me to oblige. (ex: No TV after 11.30, No working after 11.30 regardless of whether I am sleepy or not i should switch off and sleep. I cant disturb her sleep by even switching on light, make some noise etc). over the period of time, I somehow succumbed to all her dominating expectation.
She earns more than me, still she takes 50% of my salary every month in cash. I cannot ask her what she does with it. but she demands a bank statement every month from me on how I spend the remaining money. This may sound very unusual, but I somehow gave in to all this over time. she would say she spends on her child, but i have no solid need to do with my money. Apart from this she demands 50% of my bonus amount every year with no questions asked. I don't even get to know how much she gets (revisions, bonus etc). It really trouble me to even realize that I don not have any financial freedom of my own hard earned money.
The real problem started when she started taking too much advantage of my lenient nature.
She abuses me emotionally, mentally, verbally and PHYSICALLY. this abuse has been going on for the past 2 years.
Even a small thing would prompt her to beat me up. she would have beaten me on 100s of occasions. But I haven't retaliated the same even once. for obvious reasons. I know how biased the law could get. I was afraid, embarrased and very skeptical to even open up this torture to others.
Physical abuse - She has:
beaten me (hand and with many other things)
banged my head against the wall
beaten my head with her footwear (happens a lot these days)
once she took my own razor and forcefully and vigorously try to shave my beard when i refused saying it's my wish to shave or not (causing bruises)
thrown hot beverage on my face (once when I was lying and watching TV when she was abusing me and I didn't respond to her)
all this happens very very frequently and casually.
she constantly keeps abusing me with the most filthy and vulgar language, words. take my parents and talk ill about them in a very very derogatory manner. Although my blood boils when I hear it, I just sit there handicapped, again for obvious reasons. She even passes derogatory comments about caste etc. Not a single abused from my side till date.
She constantly keep accusing for something or other. For the sake of avoiding nonsense from her, I deactivated facebook, whatsapp etc (just so that she wont manipulate and try to leverage on the situation). But all this is of no use.
She says I want relief from this torture, I must go and apply for divorce myself and tell the world it is all my fault and I abandoned her etc. Plus she keeps telling whether I am with her or not she will ruin my life. Get hefty alimony if I leave, continue to commanding nature if I stay. she says my only option is to continue to say YES to what all she says.
She has even threatened me of several things in present and past. Insult my parents in front of everyone, would involve in infidelity, would insult me in front of all my colleagues (just a few examples)
I have reached my threshold. My love, care, sympathy towards her have all gone. YES. these are among the many reasons why I have been putting up. here are my questions:
1) can I / should I file a case on domestic violence against her?? is it worth? will I be taken seriously?? I can even provide evidence (audio of her abusing, pictures of my bruises etc).
2) I am only considering the above, as I am sure she will not be willing to part ways with mutual consent in a smooth manner. she would definitely try to manipulate and try and take leverage and advantage of me. Personally i don't want to take revenge of i am not so keen bring any problem to her post separation. this is in self defense, in the event of things turn against me when she lies of manipulates..
3) How about divorce? should it have to be mutual consent? does it matter really on who applies? she threaten s me that if I apply then she will come to court and then I will be in soup and the magistrate will only spit on my face that I have not been a good husband fulfilling my wife's needs etc.
4) what about alimony?? she earns more than me (atleast 10000 rupees more). we don't have a child together. also she was the one who has taken money from me every month for the past 3 years (started with 20K, not it is 42K - she increases the amount every year as my salary is revised - this is the truth). is the male always liable to pay money / settlement after divorce??
5) Should I file a FIR about the domestic violence? i am not sure if I must go to the police station of to lawyers office.
6) I am not sure how public this whole issue is going to get? its obviously embarrassing. one of the reasons I haven't opened up to others.
7) we both live right now in the same flat. she owns it. should i get out of there and then get into all this fixing??