Famous Trials / Historical Cases and Court Room Humour

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Eichmann's trial

The judicial process is like a cow. The public is impaled on its horns, the government has it by the tail, and all the while the lawyers are milking it.

Court Humour:
The following exchanges are all taken from REAL court transcripts Some of them involve stupid or confused people, or outrageous lawyer babble.....

Lawyer's creed : A man is innocent until proven bankrupt.

Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal :
These are questions actually asked by lawyers to witnesses during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses...

"What do call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
"Your Honour. "Benjamin Franklin

Why drinking is good :The Buffalo Theory
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when...

The men's guide to what a woman
You want = You want :We need = I want...

What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.

The woman's guide to what a man is really saying...
I'm hungry." = I'm hungry: I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy:"I'm tired." = I'm tired...

Futhe went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?", someone asked. "Not too bad", said Futhe. "I still have my lantern."

On the differences between men and women
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a...

What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer? The vulture eventually lets go

Neil Armstrong's Message :
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous...

What's the difference between a lawyer
and a leech? A leech quits sucking your
blood after you die.

The Affair
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine...

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.

Criminal Stupidity South Carolina ..,
A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard...

Phone Problems
Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tennesse, had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something...

How I Got Into Heaven...
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so...

Beware of the Guide Dog
"We will not have him put down. Lucky is basically a damn good guide dog...

Strange Legal Case
At the 1994 annual awards dinner given by the American Association for Forensic Science, AAFS President Don Harper Mills astounded his audience in...

Iraqi Supergun?
In rural Carbon County, PA, a group of men were drinking beer and discharging firearms from the rear deck of the home owned by Irving Michael...

Livestock Demolition
True news by Chris Woolston, "The Billings (MT) Gazette", as reprinted in "The Missoulian", August 22, 1995 Don Senn usually loves a good...

Lawyers are safe from the threat of automation taking over their professions. No one would build a robot to do nothing.

Lawyers in Action
Lawers typically aren't funny - unless by accident. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide. They were compiled by a client of the Salt Lake City law firm..

"Your Honor, in the first place, as they say, I am going to say it. I was going to say what you said and the reason I am going to say it, is not because you just said it. If you had not said it, I was going to say it first." --A lawyer speaking to a judge

Lawyer Jokes (How was copper wire invented?}
Two lawyers found a penny.
Question & Answer Form Jokes
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

Longer Jokes :
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?"
The housewife replies: "Four!"
The accountant says...

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats

What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? Clothes

The Leopold And Loeb Trial : Few trial transcripts are as likely to bring tears to the eyes as that of the 1924 murder trial of Richard Loeb and Nathan Leopold..
The Trial of Charles I, 1649 The King. I would know by what power I am called hither. . .by what Authority, I mean, lawful; there are many unlawful Authorities in the world, Thieves and Robbers by the highways...
The Eichmann Trial Criminal Case No. 40/61. The Attorney General versus Adolf Eichmann, the son of Adolf Karl Eichmann. On behalf of the prosecution, Mr. Gideon Hausner, Attorney General, Dr. Ya'akov Robinson, Assistant to the Attorney General, Mr. Gabriel Bach, Mr. Ya'akov Baror, Mr. Zvi Terlo --Assistant State Attorneys; the Accused in person and his Counsel, Dr. Robert Servatius...
The Trial Of Louis XVI Barere: On January 29, 1792, the Legislative Assembly issued a decree against factious priests, which you suspended. Louis: The constitution left me the right of sanctioning decrees..
The Trials of Oscar Wilde: Old Bailey, the main courthouse in London, had never presented a show quite like the three trials that captivated England and much of the literary world in the spring of 1895
"Scottsboro Trial" Tom Robinson's trial bears striking parallels to the "Scottsboro Trial," one of the most famous-or infamous-court cases in American history.
The Trial of Orenthal James Simpson Although the 1995 criminal trial of O. J. Simpson for the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman has been called "a great trash novel come to life...
Steunenberg's assassination The day after Steunenberg's assassination, a waitress at the Saratoga Hotel in Caldwell reported that a guest, calling himself Thomas Hogan, had "trembling hands"
In May, 1868 the Senate came within a single vote of taking the unprecedented step of removing a president from office. Although the impeachment trial of Andrew Johnson was ostensibly...
The Chicago Seven Conspiracy Trial What did it all mean? Was the Chicago Seven Trial merely, as one commentator suggested, "a monumental non-event"?
The execution of 38 Sioux A framed photograph of the scene depicted on this homepage, the execution of thirty-eight Sioux on December 26, 1862, used to fascinate me when, as a...
Government controlled rock music? Rock Against Racism sponsored an annual concert in Central Park. After the concert produced complaints about noise, and after several...
Lieutenant William Calley The My Lai courts-martial are the stories of two tragedies growing out of American involvement in Viet Nam. One was the massacre by United States soldiers of as many as 500 unarmed civilians--
Bartolomeo Vanzetti & Nicola Sacco On April 15 year 1920, a guard and a paymaster were killed during a payroll hold-up outside a shoe factory near Boston, the bandits escaped, but...
Schooner Amistad The improbable voyage of the schooner Amistad, and the court proceedings and diplomatic maneuverings that resulted from that voyage, form one of the most significant stories of the nineteenth century. When Steven Spielberg chose ...
Big Bill "War" is not too strong of a term to describe the state of affairs existing between the Western Federation of Miners and the Western Mine Owners' Association at the turn...
An Account of Events in Salem From June through September of 1692, nineteen men and women, all having been convicted of witchcraft, were carted to Gallows Hill, a barren slope near Salem Village, for hanging. Another man of over eighty years was pressed to death ...
Historical Facts Burke and Hare / A Perfectly Ordinary Little Case Not naughty Enough / A Georgian Gender Bender Boiling to Death / Fingers of fate The Law West Of The Pecos
There was the cartoon showing two people fighting over a cow. One was pulling the cow by the tail; the other was pulling on the horns. Underneath was a lawyer milking the cow. A lawyer's dog running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have... What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do. Attorneys At Law The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins: Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew... If you laid all of the lawyers in the world, end to end, on the equator ... it would be a good idea to just leave them there. Rules for Bank Robbers According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes... Why God never received a PhD He had only one major publication. It was in Hebrew...

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